The Things You Learn on Tour
When you are on tour you explore a part of life that is unusual and unnatural. It’s almost like taking part in a social experiment for a brief moment in time. I’m certainly not bashing tour or saying that life on the road is some cruel thing to endure. I am merely pointing out the fact that life as a nomad is not “normal” or “typical”.
Whenever I live at home in southern California, I usually don’t live in different people’s houses every other night, nor do I regularly order a rice burrito from Chipotle. My regular life doesn’t consist of two people named Marcella and Justin attached at my hip 24/7, nor do I get stuck wearing the same t-shirt at least three times a week. Tour is unique.
But one of my favorite aspects about such an unusual routine is that I find myself learning things that I most likely would not learn without going on tour. Here is something I learned recently.
I learned that I find great safety and security in rituals. I sure many of us do but we just don’t know it. The only way to see these “invisible rituals” is to have something disrupt your life in a gentle or violent way. For example, I discovered that I have a detailed bathroom ritual whenever I get ready in the morning. There is a certain place that I like my toiletries to be. There is even a schedule for the toiletries I use.
First I wash my hands with anti-bacterial soap, then rinse my hands with cold water. After doing so I carefully inspect my contacts of any contaminants before placing them into my eyes. After this I shave if necessary (depending on if I want the scruffy look) then use deodorant (under my right arm first then my left), do my hair, than put on this face lotion that I have and then spend the next half hour checking my hair in the mirror to decide whether or not I even like how it is settling. Do you get the picture? This is a ritual that I hate because its tedious but love because it somehow makes me feel in control and secure. And if any of these things out of place or order I feel at risk of having a bad day.
However, tour is an unforgiving force. It doesn’t care about your rituals. Sometimes I only have time to wake up and put on the clothes that I will need to wear that day. And guess what, my day still manages to be good and fun even though I didn’t put on my lucky deodorant that day.
This little lesson is something I learned very recently, but it definitely got me thinking. I examined the silly little routines and rituals that I exercise around the people I love. After some thinking I found that there were actions I needed to do, phrases I needed to hear, and events I needed to experience in order for me to feel that the relationship and love I share with my friends were secure. And by being away from my friends for a long time I haven’t been able to do those actions, hear those phrases, or experience those events.
Fortunately I was able to receive a phone call from my friend Jenna, who I haven’t talked to in weeks. We small-talked and caught up on all the crazy things going on in our lives and then I turned the conversation to a more serious subject. I explained to her all the things I was feeling and all the tension I felt accumulating in my heart. She assured me that what I was going through was legitimate and real. I was so relieved because that was all I really need to hear. I knew she didn’t think I was crazy, and more importantly I knew that she still loved me.
I started to see that instead of feeling secure in the actual love that my friend extended out toward me, I started to feel security in the actions, phrases, and experiences of my friendship with Jenna. It’s a silly tragedy, but it was real for me. Instead of loving the person, I started to love the things in my friendship with her that I felt responsible for. That’s scary for me to hear, because essentially I started to love Jenna less and less while I started to love myself more and more. Just because the rhythm and pace of my friendship with people at home has been disrupted for a short while, doesn’t mean that the love that we give each other has deadened. If anything it is placed under a trial where it is forced to change, grow, and endure ultimately leading to a stronger love and friendship in the end. And this is something that I’m excited to see happen.
Tour’s crazy, it’ll do things to ya.
Chris O
